Renewing the Contract
“Y’all renew the contract for another 10 years?”
That’s what Na said as I ran inside during our anniversary celebration — nine years in, sitting on the patio, having one of those deep, truth-telling conversations that only comes when you’ve triumphed the early years and learned each other’s rhythms.
We laughed.
But later, it hit me.
Marriage is a contract. An agreement.
Not just vows at an altar.
Not just love and butterflies.
A real agreement—between two people, binding their lives, their money, their futures, and their legacies.
And most of us were never taught to negotiate it.
The Performance Trap of “Good Wives”
When I was younger, I wanted to be a wife. Not because I understood the role—but because I saw my dad make it look good for my mom.
So I performed. I dated like my worth depended on it.
I modeled myself as the “good woman,” the Proverbs 31 poster child.
But the truth?
That version of me gave greatness to people who hadn’t earned it.
(Good people, just not good for me)
By 25, I was unmarried, disillusioned, and deeply aware that the “good girl” gets her head knocked in.
Not literally—but spiritually. Emotionally. Financially.
And here’s what I learned the hard way:
The performance of being “wife material” does not prepare you for the reality of marriage.
It prepares you to serve a role.
Not to hold your own crown.
Heavy in the Black church.
The good-girl programming.
Led me to be painfully aware that being “good” didn’t guarantee anything but exhaustion.
Who knew it would take me stopping my search for love — and finally loving myself — to land me exactly where I said I wanted to be?
Proverbs 31 Wasn’t About You.
It Was About Power.
And Dare I Say The Proverbs 31 Woman You Were Taught Is a Lie
Proverbs 31 was not written to women.
It was written by a queen mother to her son, a king.
She wasn’t giving women a blueprint for how to cook, clean, and keep quiet.
She was handing a king a code for how to choose a woman who could sit beside him without threatening his throne, diluting his crown, or destroying his empire.
This wasn’t about keeping a man’s dinner warm.
This was about protecting a dynasty.
Which means:
She wasn’t docile.
She wasn’t decorative.
She was dangerous.
A strategist. A wealth-builder. A force.
Hebrew calls her chayil.
That word doesn’t mean “sweet.” It means warrior. It means wealth. It means a woman who brings substance into form.
Reclaiming the Archetype
Here’s what that woman actually looks like:
She acquires land (v.16) — meaning she takes ownership, expands assets, and builds economic security.
She girds herself with strength (v.17) — not just for the gym, but for governance. She increases her capacity for what she’s called to carry.
She opens her mouth with wisdom (v.26) — her words are not cute. They are law. Strategic. Intentional.
She watches the ways of her household (v.27) — not to nitpick. But to ensure the system runs. Because she is managing an empire, not just a home.
This is not a “be nice and stay busy” woman.
This is a high-capacity, deeply anchored, divinely instructed leader.
This is not a “nice girl” checklist.
This is a coded archetype for a woman who:
Preserves and multiplies resources.
Operates from divine instruction, not public opinion.
Builds legacy without burning herself out.
Her children rise and call her blessed—because she didn’t just raise them.
She raised herself.
Here’s my point:
If you are a wife—or want to be—stop approaching marriage like a project or a holy performance.
It’s a contract.
An agreement.
An institution designed to be leveraged.
This is not about transactional love.
It’s about strategic partnership.
Because if you want to sustain love, you have to structure it.
Not to make it cold, but to make it clear.
And you have every right to ask: Does this agreement make me more sovereign? Or more small?
Because if Proverbs 31 taught us anything, it’s this:
Before she bore fruit, she became the tree.
And yes we “renewed the contract”
Baby yesssssssss I love this! I just wrote about marriage and I haven’t shared it yet… this is so good 🔥🔥🔥